Writing has always been a hobby of mine. Publicly displaying my emotions, trials, and errors has always been a fear.
Guess it's time to step up.
I'm falling apart this season. I'm not too great at revealing my inner thoughts, they're mostly dark. I don't like people feeling sorry for me. I don't ask for sympathy. I just want someone to listen. Every day my mind gets darker. My temper grows.
My biological father is dying. I didnt know him for 16 years. In the past 4 I've been in contact with him, and even gone out to Los Angeles and seen him. It's tearing me up because there are still immense painful questions I cannot have answered. I can't talk to my family about it because they despise him.
Thanksgiving has just passed. We were missing two from last year. My beloved Grandmother Bard in December of 2010. And her daughter, my aunt and former english teacher Gay Bard passed in April. My grandfather, Bubba, is in the hospital now, and could go any day.
My fiance and I have a daughter on the way. She'll be here Feb 5 of 2011. I love her already, but it adds more stress.
Stress. I don't really show it. But it weighs heavily.
I work 2 jobs. Don't get much of any time. When I do, its stressful even more so.
I guess it's just the way things have to be for now.
Just listen.
Get to know me.
By my thoughts alone.
Thanks for your time.
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